I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize