it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
