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Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
