If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize