Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
