Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
