Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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