so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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