Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
