You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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