I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
