whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
