I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize