Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
