Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
