Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
