im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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