I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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