I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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