You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
