I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
