oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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