Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
