Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
