Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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