We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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