Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
