Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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