gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
