Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
