Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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