Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
