I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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