I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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