He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
