Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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