it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All the doctor said was why
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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