It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
