I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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