But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
