I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
