Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
