the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
