there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
