Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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