I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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