And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
foreskin is a definite game changer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
