i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
