In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
