she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
