if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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