She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
