dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i out mim tonsoeep
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
