I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
