she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got inside last night via doggy door
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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