He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
