She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
