The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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