I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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