i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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