i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
