Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
