My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize