I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
