Don't you send me to vm
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
